Christmas can be a very difficult time for separating couples, but it is important to put the children first at what should be a very magical time for them.
In this article, our family law solicitor details some key points to consider to help make this time special for everyone.
Top priority, save any arguments and disputes for when the children aren’t around. Children can hear a lot more than perhaps parents realise and they find it very upsetting and scary to hear their parents argue. Try to make a pact not to have any disputes over the Christmas period.
Planning your Christmas schedule well ahead of time ensures that everyone knows where they are supposed to be and when. Children often want to see both parents but may not want to spend too much time travelling on Christmas Day. Writing down the schedule helps avoid confusion or disputes, as it gives the children a clear understanding of where they will be and who they will be spending time with.
Don’t forget wider family members, children may well want to spend time with grandparents, cousins and Aunties and Uncles, particularly if they have done so previously. They will be looking forward to seeing them over the Christmas period and may even have made cards for them, so even if you no longer see you former partner’s family, make sure the children are able to.
Remember that children will also want time to play with their new toys and spend time with their friends over the Christmas period. This allows them to enjoy a sense of normality and have fun outside the family schedule. Try to factor this into the Christmas plan, giving your children some time for their own activities and socialising.
When it comes to gifts, don’t try to compete with your ex-partner. Agree on what is age-appropriate and ensure that the gifts you buy are suitable for both households. For example, a loud gift like a drum set may not be ideal if it will be disruptive in your former partner’s home. If you choose joint presents, or if you don’t, share in the joy of watching your children enjoy both sets of gifts, and be considerate of what has been chosen.
If there is a new partner involved in your former partner’s life, try and be understanding if the children feel comfortable with them, remember you are still the parent. It can be confusing for children when new partners become involved but if they are to be a part of your child’s future, try and be supportive so that your children can be comfortable in their presence.
Christmas is a perfect time to create new memories and traditions. If you are adjusting to life after separation, consider starting new traditions that reflect your fresh start. This will not only help create happy memories but will also give your children something positive to look forward to each year.
Communicate with your former partner and don’t ask the children to relay messages, this can only lead to them feeling pressured and can have a lasting effect. Children don’t want the responsibility of passing communication, and as adults, it is your responsibility to communicate with each other.
If one parent is unable to be present when the children open their presents, consider using FaceTime or another video call method. This helps include the absent parent in the experience and promotes positive feelings. Think about how you would feel if you weren’t able to be there for a special moment like this, and how grateful you would be to see the children, even virtually.
If these pointers help for Christmas, then try to encompass them throughout the year whilst navigating divorce and separation!!
Should you require any legal assistance concerning your separation, please contact Jane Chandler, our family law solicitor in Kidderminster by emailing family@painterslaw.co.uk.
Please note, this is not legal advice and children’s safety is paramount at all times.
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