Christmas is meant to be magical. For children of separated parents, however, it can become confusing, stressful and quietly heartbreaking — especially when adults are locked in conflict.
Imagine opening an envelope in early December and finding the following letter from your child.
Dear Mum and Dad
I found Josie sitting on the stairs crying last night, you didn’t hear cos you were shouting at each other in the kitchen. Josie thought you were cross with her for not eating her peas (which Dad you know she doesn’t like – they make her sick) cos im bigger I know its cos you don’t like each other anymore. Anyways, I want her to have a nice Christmas, I remember the ones we used to have when you liked each other but Josie is too little to remember. So I have made some rules for yous for this Christmas.
No shouting at each other (or me n Josie), be nice to each other like you told me to be to Jason when he took my favourite Spiderman figure.
We love you both and want to spend time with you both at Christmas, so please sort it out soon so we know where we are going and member we dont wanna go in the car for ages when weve got our new toys.
I know you don’t see Nana and Pops anymore Mum, but Josie and I want to see them. Josies made them a picture at school and Nana always lets us choose from her sweet drawer so we like goin.
Presents – lots please (just joking) but member Josie doesn’t mind who gets her the dolls house but she doesn’t want 2, so please can you sort out from our lists who gets what.
Please let me have time to play with Nate, he’s hoping to get a new skateboard and we wanna go out on them together (big hint).
Don’t make us eat those green sprout things – we hate them.
And mum – don’t ask me to pass on messages to Dad – have you heard of texting.
And Dad – just cos mum’s friend comes over I want it to be you to take me to the footie, help me with my new skate board (hint again) cos your my Dad.
This letter is not about presents, peas or skateboards.
It is about fear, confusion and the quiet burden children carry when parents are in conflict.
Jacob’s sister was crying alone while the adults were arguing. He has noticed:
Children do not see separation as “your week” and “my weekend”. They experience it as uncertainty, divided loyalties and emotional pressure.
Every year, family solicitors see disputes escalate in December because:
And children, like Jacob and Josie, absorb all of it.
If you are going through a divorce or separation, our family law solicitors have recently published a blog sharing practical tips on how to make Christmas special for children after separation.
If you cannot agree on arrangements without conflict, professional guidance from our family law solicitors can make all the difference.
At Painters Solicitors, our family solicitors in Worcestershire can support separated parents across the UK with:
For more information about this article or to discuss your case further, please contact our family law solicitors.
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